Why? Just Why?


Ummmm yeah? Working? Hmmmmm? What have I done? Well I haven’t been able to get up at five. I’m just not that type of person. I’ve heard there are alarm clocks that force you out of bed, but I’ve yet to try that. I really like sleep. I have, however, started doing yoga every day. I haven’t had to take anxiety meds. I’ve been meditating daily. I haven’t been sleeping well though. I need to work on that. Haven’t purged though. Although I haven’t been eating very healthy either, BUT I have been taking vitamins that make me feel better. I still feel angry and fly off the handle sometimes. I need to work on that. I’m still tired ALL the time, AND I’m still sort of depressed like I need some sort of change. I don’t want to go to work every day and not absolutely adore what I do. I want to be normal and happy and joyful. Is it life making me unhappy or me making life unhappy? If I could just sleep when I wanted, worked from home,  and do all of my alternative medicine practices whenever I felt the need, I would feel better right? At least I think so. HELP!!!! Why does happiness allude me no matter what I do? I don’t know if I believe it’s brain chemistry. I know some of it must be, especially the anxiety, but the depression? If life was pretty much the way I wanted it on my terms wouldn’t I be happy?