Amazing

I feel amazing today. I haven’t posted because I’ve been busy over Easter. Between church, meditation, and working out, I feel great. I’ve needed clonapin only once and that was when I ate out in a crowded restaurant. It might be the beautiful sunshine too. Seasonal affect disorder? Okay. Let’s see how long this lasts. And hopefully I can be well enough to be off medication completely? I pray!

Meditation/Medication?

Meditation was still so hard last night. My mind just wanders. I am feeling better today….almost happy?? Is it the meditation, the medication, or the sunshine and the fact I have 3 days off from work? Whatever it is I’ll take it. Tonight I start yoga. The goal is no meds. I want to at least see a decrease in need by my next appointment. Help me Deepak!!!

WTF

Meditation?????Ahhhhhhhh! I can’t clear my mind! I’m doing the Oprah 21 day thing (chopracentermeditation.com) I’m more stressed trying to still myself. I’m gonna do the whole 21 days, but I hope this gets easier. I need to incorporate something else too and soon. I think yoga tomorrow. Maybe I’ll make an appointment for acupuncture too. I’m just so restless and angry and sad. I purged last night 😞. I hate to say it, but it made me feel better.

Day One

Fuck this. Like I have time to meditate? I wanted to this morning, but I can’t possibly drag my butt out of bed any earlier than I have to. I’m so stressed in this windowless office. Time to pop a clonapin. Hopefully meditation and maybe yoga when I get home. Doctor appointment May 1st. Can I see some progress by then????

Starting a new journey

I’m sick. I’ve been sick for a long time. I’ve been on and off anti depressants, anti anxiety, bipolar meds, you name it, FOREVER. Guess what? I’m still depressed, anxious, and moody. Somethings gotta give. I can’t do this shit anymore. So, I’ve decided to try alternative medicine and see where that gets me. It can’t hurt. No I’m not going off my meds. I’m still seeing my doctor. I’m just hoping for a change. ANY change. Maybe even eventually not being on medication??? Yeah right. Anyway, never go off medication or start anything without your doctors approval. I think I have to say that. So where should I start………? Meditation. Tomorrow day 1!